This is exclusively for women and men who are capable of laughing at themselves
Once I had gone to my colleague’s house. While chatting I observed that she was a little grumpy ( angry is the right word). When asked, she said that the cause was her hubby. She said that she had been bombarded by uninvited guests (uninvited meant that they had no time to prepare themselves for the attack which includes dressing up decently). She was particularly cut up with her husband who ended up receiving them with his checked Lungi with partition (I gathered that the lungis are stitched together to stop them from opening up at the right moment)
She said that her husband was gleefully yapping with the guests, oblivious of the lungi occasionally flying in sync with the breeze.
Of course once they left she had admonished him but he said that he was unaware of the flying lungi.
Her contention was that how anyone can be unaware when one can feel the chill inside through the slit?
She was not talking to him for his bad behavior. (Otherwise he is a thorough gentleman)
All men are like that, at least some, I assured her. (Sorry guys)
I had an uncle who used to fold his dhoti three or four folds till it went up almost to his hips. He was gutsy enough to climb stairs, attic and what not with his sad attire. God bless the people who stay put on the ground. I remember my aunt always shouting at him. Probably she was fed up with his antics.
There are others who have this habit of opening up the dhoti (a la kajol in the song mere khwabon mein jo aaye from dilwale dulhania le jayenge) and tying it back again much to the annoyance of the audience ( especially females). They do it so many times that you feel like telling them to use a belt instead
There are shirtless men (reason they say is: too sultry) with/without janivara or the sacred thread, moving unnecessarily in and out of the house. Shirtless men do not keep their hands to themselves but instead of wasting their time they pat and scratch themselves as though it is no man’s land. And to top it all, these men do all these things when they are in conversation with the others.
And then, there are these men who answer the door bell first with their shortest outfit (may be a brief) and then run inside to wear something decent.
I have seen men who are in their towels before going for a bath walking briskly attending to last minute chores like shaving. Though you might not be interested in watching them, I am sure many of us are under the constant stress/ fear that the towel may give way anytime due to the violent walkathon.
Oil massaging men get on my nerves. These types of men wear shortest possible outfit and massage their bodies and roam around for long hours for better effect of the massage.
I can go on and on about men and their antics but let me stop before any lungi-man comes charging at me.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Dusshera Debacle
We were living in Malleswaram where dusshera was celebrated by inviting each other for “arishina kumkuma”, the ordeal where women get in and out of houses of all and sundry. (known and unknown).
We as children used to accompany our moms like herds of sheep just for the sake of “charpu” which some kanjoos aunties used to give us.
Here I must tell you the items which come under the category of charpu.
1. Gugguri or sundal ( made out of various dhals)
2. Very tiny(minute to be precise) elakki balehannu which had turned black, presumably the ones which they got the previous day
3. Kobbari sakkare which consists of more sugar ( bought from ration shop) than kobbari
4. Shrunken mosambi which has turned into the size of lemon( reserved for youngsters like us)
5. Shankarpoli ( I don’t understand why it has been named thus. poor shankars)
6. One aunty had even passed off unbreakable mysorepaks as charpu
We were also given the responsibility of inviting aunties who lived far and wide.
My sister and I proceeded on one such journey along with our neighbor’s son Ramu (she had no daughters). After inviting everyone, we were returning along with our booty and our last destination was our Hindi teacher. Since we were very tired, we kept all our valuable collections in one place and sat down. In a nano second, the teacher did something which was unpardonable in our eyes. She took all the charpus inside thinking that we had brought those things for her. (Even today I am still surprised at her dumb brain. How can she ever think that those assorted charpus along with the accompaniments of beetle leaves, beetle nuts etc can be hers?). Though she said that there was no necessity for us to bring all these items, her hands were busy emptying our baskets/butti wire bag to be precise (we had three of them mind you. No sharing, we had decided)
Though we were very upset, we could not do anything as she was our teacher. But Ramu started crying and told us that since she was our teacher and not his, he would go and get back his share. It took us a lot of time to convince and console him.
After that Ramu broke the partnership of our joint venture and joined hands with someone else who was strong enough to not let go of the booty.
We on our part decided not to take any chances and kept our baskets with collections as close to us as possible when we visited prospective invitees.
Now Ramu might be getting a two or maybe three baskets full of the booties but nothing like the old days. Where are you now Ramu?
Singing of songs was another ordeal which one had to undergo when one visits people. We could hear devotional songs/ thyagaraja krithi/purandara/kanaka or some random dasas’ kritis from neighboring houses, though I had a vague feeling that no one listened to the singer however good she was.( anyway the songs were meant for the gods, not for the ladies).
One aunty had this habit of singing the same song in all the houses for I don’t know how many years but if you calculate roughly it comes to 6750 times (9 daysX50 housesX15 years). 15 years is my guess but I don’t know how long she had been singing it before that.
All said and done, we enjoyed our childhood days irrespective of the minuses and plusses.
We as children used to accompany our moms like herds of sheep just for the sake of “charpu” which some kanjoos aunties used to give us.
Here I must tell you the items which come under the category of charpu.
1. Gugguri or sundal ( made out of various dhals)
2. Very tiny(minute to be precise) elakki balehannu which had turned black, presumably the ones which they got the previous day
3. Kobbari sakkare which consists of more sugar ( bought from ration shop) than kobbari
4. Shrunken mosambi which has turned into the size of lemon( reserved for youngsters like us)
5. Shankarpoli ( I don’t understand why it has been named thus. poor shankars)
6. One aunty had even passed off unbreakable mysorepaks as charpu
We were also given the responsibility of inviting aunties who lived far and wide.
My sister and I proceeded on one such journey along with our neighbor’s son Ramu (she had no daughters). After inviting everyone, we were returning along with our booty and our last destination was our Hindi teacher. Since we were very tired, we kept all our valuable collections in one place and sat down. In a nano second, the teacher did something which was unpardonable in our eyes. She took all the charpus inside thinking that we had brought those things for her. (Even today I am still surprised at her dumb brain. How can she ever think that those assorted charpus along with the accompaniments of beetle leaves, beetle nuts etc can be hers?). Though she said that there was no necessity for us to bring all these items, her hands were busy emptying our baskets/butti wire bag to be precise (we had three of them mind you. No sharing, we had decided)
Though we were very upset, we could not do anything as she was our teacher. But Ramu started crying and told us that since she was our teacher and not his, he would go and get back his share. It took us a lot of time to convince and console him.
After that Ramu broke the partnership of our joint venture and joined hands with someone else who was strong enough to not let go of the booty.
We on our part decided not to take any chances and kept our baskets with collections as close to us as possible when we visited prospective invitees.
Now Ramu might be getting a two or maybe three baskets full of the booties but nothing like the old days. Where are you now Ramu?
Singing of songs was another ordeal which one had to undergo when one visits people. We could hear devotional songs/ thyagaraja krithi/purandara/kanaka or some random dasas’ kritis from neighboring houses, though I had a vague feeling that no one listened to the singer however good she was.( anyway the songs were meant for the gods, not for the ladies).
One aunty had this habit of singing the same song in all the houses for I don’t know how many years but if you calculate roughly it comes to 6750 times (9 daysX50 housesX15 years). 15 years is my guess but I don’t know how long she had been singing it before that.
All said and done, we enjoyed our childhood days irrespective of the minuses and plusses.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Dog's day
Our family ( you must read it as” the whole lot of them” i.e. Sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles et al) is extremely scared of dogs especially the stray ones of all age, shape and sizes. (Pups are more dangerous says my sister)
You may ask ‘what about the pets?’ You can feel little safe with them as they are either tied or told to get inside (they seldom do) when you enter the canine lovers’ house.
I had a friend who insisted that I come home very often though I had expressed my fear of dogs. She used to tell me that her dog is very loving and will never harm anyone. whenever I went to her house I would be sitting with my heart pounding and the canine would cuddle, lick and pounce on me while her master (rather her masterni) went on and on about her pet.
My friend’s dog keeps on breathing heavily (called as deep breathing) in your ears making you very insecure of what is in store for you.
My neighbour had a pup which was named ‘shyam’ which coincidentally is my brother’s name. Whenever she called out to the pet lovingly with her sweet voice, my brother used to run. She told us that she never knew shyams were human.
Another friend of mine, who was a little concerned about me, had her bull dog always tied up. Even this never encouraged me to change my opinion of these creatures. You should not blame me for that. Whenever I visited her, the bull.. sorry, the dog always tried to pull away the chain and made all sorts of faces and would have settled scores with me for my dislike of the species.
The other day my sister and I were taking a long walk (it was indeed a long walk) and a pup started following us. My sis was very much worried and wanted to get rid of it. As she started walking very fast, the pup too increased its speed. In desperation she opened the gate of a nearby house and entered. No sooner did she do that; we heard a thunderous barking (it was a Pomeranian). Frying Pan to fire? Never. The gate was closed immediately. Pup is always better than the pom.
There is a saying that ‘Barking Dog seldom bites’. Yes it is true. How can the dog bite when it is barking? It will do so once it stops barking. Ask my cousin. He has not stopped telling his tale to one and all after being bitten by a barking dog. He grumbles that the sentence should be rephrased as ‘barking dog later bites’.
Some good Samaritans feed the strays with delicious wafers, biscuits, buns etc and it becomes very difficult for non feeders to go for walks/jogs as you will be treated as an outcast by the strays. Some of them come close to you and smell your pockets for the non existent goodies.
I had been told by good (?) friends that if you have eye to eye contact with the dog you are safe; as the dog thinks you are friendly. But there is more than the meets the eye.
I had shared this secret with my uncle and he had a horrifying experience after he followed my tips. He was scratched upon by a stray when he looked deep into his eyes.
Now some say that you should avoid the canine’s gaze and walk away as though it never exists. This has worked out for me sometimes.
You have to be very alert during ‘season’ as you can spot tens, twenties and more of the breed shouting, chasing, fighting among them and in the bargain falling all over you. I always take longer routes when I spot the batch from far.
More than humans, these species are united. Once rag picker was shouted at by a lone dog. He was unperturbed. The dog started barking so loud that his friends from the neighboring roads reached the spot within minutes and pounced on the rag picker. Poor fellow had to run for his life.
From my experience, I have zeroed in on the following precautionary measures.
Avoid eye to eye contact. ( more so if you are wearing a colored lens)
Always have some small stones with you ( you may pretend to throw)
Avoid lanes which have Bakeries
Be well acquainted with your local strays. ( You must know the character of each one of them)
Don’t travel in your two wheeler during nights ( some time days too)
Be very open with your friends ( especially the ones with pets) about your fear of dogs
You may ask ‘what about the pets?’ You can feel little safe with them as they are either tied or told to get inside (they seldom do) when you enter the canine lovers’ house.
I had a friend who insisted that I come home very often though I had expressed my fear of dogs. She used to tell me that her dog is very loving and will never harm anyone. whenever I went to her house I would be sitting with my heart pounding and the canine would cuddle, lick and pounce on me while her master (rather her masterni) went on and on about her pet.
My friend’s dog keeps on breathing heavily (called as deep breathing) in your ears making you very insecure of what is in store for you.
My neighbour had a pup which was named ‘shyam’ which coincidentally is my brother’s name. Whenever she called out to the pet lovingly with her sweet voice, my brother used to run. She told us that she never knew shyams were human.
Another friend of mine, who was a little concerned about me, had her bull dog always tied up. Even this never encouraged me to change my opinion of these creatures. You should not blame me for that. Whenever I visited her, the bull.. sorry, the dog always tried to pull away the chain and made all sorts of faces and would have settled scores with me for my dislike of the species.
The other day my sister and I were taking a long walk (it was indeed a long walk) and a pup started following us. My sis was very much worried and wanted to get rid of it. As she started walking very fast, the pup too increased its speed. In desperation she opened the gate of a nearby house and entered. No sooner did she do that; we heard a thunderous barking (it was a Pomeranian). Frying Pan to fire? Never. The gate was closed immediately. Pup is always better than the pom.
There is a saying that ‘Barking Dog seldom bites’. Yes it is true. How can the dog bite when it is barking? It will do so once it stops barking. Ask my cousin. He has not stopped telling his tale to one and all after being bitten by a barking dog. He grumbles that the sentence should be rephrased as ‘barking dog later bites’.
Some good Samaritans feed the strays with delicious wafers, biscuits, buns etc and it becomes very difficult for non feeders to go for walks/jogs as you will be treated as an outcast by the strays. Some of them come close to you and smell your pockets for the non existent goodies.
I had been told by good (?) friends that if you have eye to eye contact with the dog you are safe; as the dog thinks you are friendly. But there is more than the meets the eye.
I had shared this secret with my uncle and he had a horrifying experience after he followed my tips. He was scratched upon by a stray when he looked deep into his eyes.
Now some say that you should avoid the canine’s gaze and walk away as though it never exists. This has worked out for me sometimes.
You have to be very alert during ‘season’ as you can spot tens, twenties and more of the breed shouting, chasing, fighting among them and in the bargain falling all over you. I always take longer routes when I spot the batch from far.
More than humans, these species are united. Once rag picker was shouted at by a lone dog. He was unperturbed. The dog started barking so loud that his friends from the neighboring roads reached the spot within minutes and pounced on the rag picker. Poor fellow had to run for his life.
From my experience, I have zeroed in on the following precautionary measures.
Avoid eye to eye contact. ( more so if you are wearing a colored lens)
Always have some small stones with you ( you may pretend to throw)
Avoid lanes which have Bakeries
Be well acquainted with your local strays. ( You must know the character of each one of them)
Don’t travel in your two wheeler during nights ( some time days too)
Be very open with your friends ( especially the ones with pets) about your fear of dogs
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